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The One Night Stand Rules

May 5, 2015, 10:58 p.m.

The One Night Stand Rules
In essence, a one-night stand can be as easy as its participants because you’re both after the same goal, sex with no strings attached. You want it, and she wants it, so why not? Now it’s time to add some passion and excitement to your otherwise dull regime so wash your face (and anything else that needs cleaning), select your target, point, and shoot. IN practice, there are no such things as a flawless one-night stand because there are such things like awkwardness and fear that are inevitable and may stand in the way. Especially the awkwardness of the morning after a long night of drinking breath, or the fear of her parents walking in (why does she still live with her parents?). However, there are plenty ways to minimize the collateral damage by simply taking a few steps before, during, and after your NSA moment to make it less chaotic. You can start by making sure you bring her back to your place, it’s a safer zone than the unknown.
The One Night Stand Rules

Clean your apartment for once before you head out for the night.

Seriously, it takes ten minutes unless your place is treated like a cluttered college dorm filled with dirty laundry and leftovers. You want to make your man cave appear as if it’s not crazy that someone came back home with you. A messy place is an easy tell to a female. She knows no one has been there for a while once she sees your pigsty of an apartment.

Before the foreplay.

Before you play, there is the foreplay (go figure), and before that is the before foreplay. Once you’ve hit it off with a female at a bar or club that you anticipate seeing naked in the near future, pace yourself! Don’t jump down her throat as if that’s all you want to do because more times than not, she will be completely turned off. You seem like Desperate Danny now, and she’s more into Mysterious Michael over there in the corner. Ease into the proposal with small physical gestures that cause a natural tingle. Wrap it up in a complement to ignite a sensual feeling while boosting her self-esteem. For example, “Your hair is amazingly silky,” as you run two fingers through her hair that’s resting right behind her neck where she is sure to get goosebumps.

Skip the last shot.

Liquid courage may lead to a tragic ending depending on a variety of factors so be mindful of your alcohol intake. Stop at tipsy! You want to be confident and loose, but not sloppy and repulsive. Remember that too much liquor can also cause some much-needed parts to stop functioning properly too. Who needs that trauma?

Bring protection.

Use it. For every round. Use it. That simple. Oh yeah, and….use it!

Don’t fake the funk.

Tame down all of the mental visuals residing in your brain from all of the past week’s porn fest. Yes, you do want to be adventurous and passionate but start off with bits and pieces of aggression and let her response guide the rest of the way. You don’t want to seem like an actor mimicking a role; you want to turn her on and then give her the wheel. If she’s not taking charge, put some gas on it and tell her what you want to see her do. You’ll be very surprised just how many women secretly like to be told what to do.

The morning after.

If she made it to the morning after (it’s probably safer not to do this often to avoid attachment), be polite and unapologetic. You never want to create the notion of being “in the wrong” for last night. You did exactly what two consenting adults decided to do, and now you politely offer something to drink or eat before she goes. If she’s lingering, ask her if she’d like you to call a cab or did she plan to go another way since you’ll be leaving soon to work or whatever nonexistent “to do” you’d like to make up.

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